Dissention and Dating

I

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you couldn’t stand it, only to find when you had it that it wasn’t so great? For me that was for someone to ask me out. I was nineteen years old, and no guy had ever asked me out. Both of my sisters, who were fourteen and fifteen, had been asked out before. But not me. What was wrong with me? I figured if someone, anyone, asked me out, I wouldn’t think there was anything wrong with me anymore. I would feel great, because someone liked me. And not just anyone, but a guy. Any guy.

I met him right after I came to school for the first time. He was my roommate Tiffany’s best friend from high school. Tiffany, Jessie, and Angie had all lived together the year before, so they were all friends with Josh. So when he came over every day to visit us, it didn’t bother me. For the first few weeks of school, I didn’t even see him that much. Then he started eating dinner with us every night. He, Jessie, and I would eat dinner and talk, and it was fine with me.

Before I get too far, let me explain something. The single most important thing to me in a potential boyfriend is that he is a Christian. Those who know me probably would have guessed first that he should be a Republican, and they wouldn’t be completely wrong in guessing this. The thing is, Josh wasn’t either of these things. From talking to him I figured out that he wasn’t really interested in Christianity, and he had too Democratic ideas for my taste. Politics aside, though, I knew that, even if I were interested in him, I would never date him unless he were a Christian.

Soon he started coming over after his classes every single day. I figured it was because he was my roommates’ friend. It took me a while to realize that my roommates usually weren’t there. And he always came straight into my room. I was sort of a moron. This was okay at first, but then it became quite annoying. He would come into my room and watch me play word games on my computer. I could never understand why this was so intriguing to him. To be honest, it wasn’t that entertaining for me. It really only required me to draw upon my knowledge of three-letter words. I’d learned a lot of words even bigger than that since I’d started college. Like I said, I was a bit of a moron.

I went home the weekend of my birthday. My roommates and I had planned on going to Coldstone Creamery after I got back on Sunday. Of course, Josh came with us. Before we left, though, he gave me a birthday present. It was a copy of Persuasion by Jane Austen. I panicked silently because I had seen this copy at the bookstore before, and I had looked at the price. It cost at least twenty dollars. I was also a little annoyed because my sister had bought me the same book (a much cheaper copy). You know how I mentioned that for me to even consider dating a guy he had to be a Christian? Well, after we got back from Coldstone and for the next few days, Jessie made sure to inform me that Josh had gone to the Catholic church with her that weekend, and that he intended to start going to church.

II

“I don’t understand! What do you want from me?! I just want you to talk to me!” Jessie articulated at the top of her lungs as she ran from the room and slammed the door behind her. The door bounced back open and Josh ran out behind her, hoping that he could calm her down. Meanwhile, I figured I would take this opportunity to escape. I was no good in these situations.

You see, Angie had been giving Jessie the silent treatment all week. Jessie thought she could simply reason with Angie by asking her what she had done wrong and what she could do to fix it. Angie’s delicate bubble of self-control burst, and out spewed problems she had with Jessie that she had tried to hide for the past year. I began to think that perhaps I was living with a lunatic. And honestly, I couldn’t see why Jessie wanted to live with Angie again this year and next year too. Anyway, tension was thickening between the two, which led to Jessie’s inevitably fleeing the room. I longed to do the same.

So I grabbed some pajamas and went into the bathroom. Upon entering, I noticed that we were in dire need of toilet paper. This would displease Angie. For you see, Angie is incapable of replacing the toilet paper. I think she was born that way. So I threw my pajamas back into my bedroom and went down the hall to the front desk to retrieve the desperately needed toilet paper. Thus began the awkwardness.

As I began walking down the hallway back to my room, I saw Jessie and Josh. Jessie went in, but Josh began to approach me. He offered to carry my toilet paper, and I curtly refused right as I dropped one of the rolls on the floor. He picked it up and began walking with me down the constantly elongating hallway. We were about halfway back to my room when he said, “I have a question to ask you.”

I replied with a curious, “Ok,” and he went on.

“Um, I was just, uh, wondering if you were busy next week.” As he uttered these words, the realization of what was coming next instantly invaded my head. My once empty schedule suddenly became very full and unpredictable. As I tried to explain the incredible unpredictability of my schedule to him, those words came out. You know, those words I have so longed to hear said to me but so desperately have not wanted to hear from him: “I was, uh, wondering if, uh, maybe you’d like to see a movie or something with me this week.” And there it was. There was no going back. At this point I realized I had to respond quickly. I knew that what I said had to mean “no,” but had to sound nice. Then, after an eternity of speechlessness all contained within a few seconds, my lips began to form a word. “Nah.”

A few more eternities later, Josh, who had been standing in front of my door so as to not allow me to gain entrance to my room, opened the door, went in, and sat on my futon. I’m pretty sure I heard Jessie say, “So I guess she said ‘no’.”